I had a dream last night about a former friend that I haven’t seen or talked to in years. In the dream, I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but we ran into each other in a club and we basically picked up where we left off with our friendship.
We had a few drinks in the club and when we left, he offered to drop me off at home. From that point on, there was a series of things about our interactions that made me really uncomfortable. Remember, this is a dream, so I’ll try to explain some of the things that happened.
First, I had allowed him to use my phone in the club. As we left the club — to my surprise — I saw my phone at the door of the club, on the ground, in the rain. He casually picked it up and handed it back to me with very little regard for the fact that it was my property and was very likely ruined.
Next, when I opened his passenger side car door, there was a young child there, sitting in the passenger seat of his car. This kid was like 4 years old, and had been sitting in the car, waiting on him to come out the entire time. I was livid.
Next, there was something very weird about his car. It was an old car that he had years ago — in real life — and that I know he has since gotten rid of. But in the dream, he had the car again and he kept apologizing for the car and trying to convince me that he has another car at home.
Lastly, he kept attempting to have the same types of conversations with me that we had in our early 20s. In the dream, it was as if he had been frozen in time and woke up not knowing that almost 20 years had passed.
As we drove, with this young child wedged between us in the front seat, I felt such a sense of discomfort with the whole situation and so desperately wanted to get out of the car that I considered getting out as the car was moving, but for whatever reason, I felt stuck — like I couldn’t get out of the car. The whole ride, I felt like I had gone back in time, to a place that I didn’t want to be. In the dream, I knew that I had made the right decision when I moved on from that friendship.
Usually, when I have a dream that I remember as vividly as I remember this one, I try to discern what it could mean. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own growth and how my One Bold Action Per Day commitment has really transformed my life. If you’d like to know more about it, you can listen to my podcast, Master Your Mission, here.
I ended my friendship with this guy for a slew of reasons, but one of them was that I was horribly uncomfortable around him in the last few years we hung out. I remember he would constantly boast about the fact that he hadn’t changed since our younger days and that he would always be the same. I recall being uninterested in many of the conversations that he found interest in, and even more uninterested in some of the activities that he chose to spend his time partaking in.
I didn’t wish this friend any ill will, but I knew that I needed to move on for my own good. I felt like I was growing — maturing — and desiring more out of life, but he wanted to stay the same. He was complacent and his complacency made me uncomfortable.
The dream I had last night just helped me to realize that — just like in the case of my former friend — when you’ve outgrown a person or situation, you’ll feel a deep sense of discomfort. You’ll feel a such a level of discomfort, that you’ll want to remove that person or thing from your life.
When you experience this shift, it’s not always easy to identify right away. It may take you a while to actually realize what you’re feeling. In my case, I continued that friendship for years, hoping that my friend would start growing, and I’m sure he was hoping that I would stop.
Once your discomfort reaches a level where you’re certain your relationship won’t last or that you can’t stay in that situation, it’s okay to remove yourself. It’s not worth sticking around and you don’t want to find yourself in a position where you feel like you’re stuck in a car, on the ride from hell, that you can’t get out of.